Friday, 13 April 2007
Thursday, 12 April 2007
Cool engelse grappe
Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened
- "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
- "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
- "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
- "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
- "I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it."
- "No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."
- "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."
- "I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."
- "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
- "I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash."
- "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before."
- "The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
- "The accident happened when the right door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal."
- "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
- "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision."
- "I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
- "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
- "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."
- "My wench slipped, losing my balance, and I hurt my back."
- "I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
- "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."
- "The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
- "When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
- "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
- "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
- "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
- "As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."
- "The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."
- "A truck backed though my windshield and into my wife's face."
- "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."
- "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
- "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."
Little Johnny
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the Johannesburg zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Pretoria Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
Blonds
A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign
that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way
there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for
lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier,
"Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."
The cashier leaned over the counter and said:
"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"
Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened
- "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
- "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
- "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
- "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
- "I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it."
- "No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."
- "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."
- "I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."
- "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
- "I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash."
- "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before."
- "The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
- "The accident happened when the right door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal."
- "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
- "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision."
- "I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
- "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
- "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."
- "My wench slipped, losing my balance, and I hurt my back."
- "I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
- "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."
- "The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
- "When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
- "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
- "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
- "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
- "As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."
- "The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."
- "A truck backed though my windshield and into my wife's face."
- "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."
- "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
- "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."
Little Johnny
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the Johannesburg zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Pretoria Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
Blonds
A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign
that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way
there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for
lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier,
"Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."
The cashier leaned over the counter and said:
"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"
Wednesday, 11 April 2007
Woensdag grapgat
Man en sy vrou word wakker gemaak 3 uur in die oggend deur 'n harde geklop aan die deur.
Die man staan op en gaan maak die deur oop waar 'n dronkie in die gietende reen staan.
Die ou dronkie se hy het iemand nodig om hom te stoot.
"Daar is nie 'n manier nie." Se die man. "Dit is drie uur in die oggend." Hy slaan die deur toe en gaan terug bed toe.
"Wie was dit?" vra sy vrou.
"Net 'n vreeslike dronk man wat iemand soek om hom te stoot." Antwoord hy.
"Het jy hom gehelp?" vra sy. "Nee, dit is drie uur, en dit sous daar buite!"
Wel jy het 'n kort geheue," se sy...
"Onthou jy drie maande terug toe ons kar gebreek het en daai twee ouens ons gehelp het ? Ek dink jy moet hierdie ou ook help en jy behoort jou te skaam."
Die man besef sy vrou is seker reg en trek toe maar aan.
Hy gaan uit in die gietende reen en roep uit, "Hallo, is jy nog daar?"
"Ja." kom die antwoord terug.
"Het jy nog iemand nodig om jou te stoot?" vra hy.
"Ja, asseblief." Kom die antwoord uit die donkerte.
"Waar is jy?" vra die man.
"Hier op die swing." antwoord die dronkie.
Man en sy vrou word wakker gemaak 3 uur in die oggend deur 'n harde geklop aan die deur.
Die man staan op en gaan maak die deur oop waar 'n dronkie in die gietende reen staan.
Die ou dronkie se hy het iemand nodig om hom te stoot.
"Daar is nie 'n manier nie." Se die man. "Dit is drie uur in die oggend." Hy slaan die deur toe en gaan terug bed toe.
"Wie was dit?" vra sy vrou.
"Net 'n vreeslike dronk man wat iemand soek om hom te stoot." Antwoord hy.
"Het jy hom gehelp?" vra sy. "Nee, dit is drie uur, en dit sous daar buite!"
Wel jy het 'n kort geheue," se sy...
"Onthou jy drie maande terug toe ons kar gebreek het en daai twee ouens ons gehelp het ? Ek dink jy moet hierdie ou ook help en jy behoort jou te skaam."
Die man besef sy vrou is seker reg en trek toe maar aan.
Hy gaan uit in die gietende reen en roep uit, "Hallo, is jy nog daar?"
"Ja." kom die antwoord terug.
"Het jy nog iemand nodig om jou te stoot?" vra hy.
"Ja, asseblief." Kom die antwoord uit die donkerte.
"Waar is jy?" vra die man.
"Hier op die swing." antwoord die dronkie.
Tuesday, 10 April 2007
Thursday, 05 April 2007
Lag 'n slag
Waarskuwing:
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book or contact "beer experts" like the STOKSTYF CREW ( www.stokstyf.co.za ). They are a highly trained unit, specialising in disposing of beer in a safe environmental friendly way.
Hoe gaan jy hierdie een verduidelik?
Krieket spanne:
Waarskuwing:
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book or contact "beer experts" like the STOKSTYF CREW ( www.stokstyf.co.za ). They are a highly trained unit, specialising in disposing of beer in a safe environmental friendly way.
Hoe gaan jy hierdie een verduidelik?
Krieket spanne:
Broos en seer...
...dis hoe ek voel vandag. Gisteraand by Barbs het my diep seergemaak.
FOTO's IS HIER as jy wil weet waar die bar is, KLIEK HIER
Maar dis niks, vanaand fok ek hierdie lyf heeltemal op, want niemand werk more nie en dit smaak my daar is vanaand weer 'n moerse party by Barbs, hulle moes glad extra mense aanstel. Wie weet, miskien is daar goeie foto geleendhede.
...dis hoe ek voel vandag. Gisteraand by Barbs het my diep seergemaak.
FOTO's IS HIER as jy wil weet waar die bar is, KLIEK HIER
Maar dis niks, vanaand fok ek hierdie lyf heeltemal op, want niemand werk more nie en dit smaak my daar is vanaand weer 'n moerse party by Barbs, hulle moes glad extra mense aanstel. Wie weet, miskien is daar goeie foto geleendhede.
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