Vakansietyd is verby en die meeste mense is terug by die werk.

Ekt 'n fokken goeie alzheimers grappie gehoor wat ek hier wou opsit... toe vergeet ek dit.

Soos julle seker gehoor het, is daar alweer iemand opgevreet deur 'n moerse haai.

Nou my fok man, almal weet die water hier is vol moerse haaie en hulle vat oor die algemeen nie kak nie.

Die vraag wat jy dus moet vra, is "Wat fokken soek die mense in die water?"

Ek het so bietjie research gedoen en ek dink ek het die antwoord gekry:

BLONDE'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP 

DEAR DIARY: DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up... Really excited.
 
DEAR DIARY: DAY 2
Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 3
At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
 
DEAR DIARY: DAY 4
Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.
 
DEAR DIARY: DAY 5
Pool again today, got sun burnt, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. He really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was shocked.
 
DEAR DIARY: DAY 6
Today I saved 2,600 lives. Twice.

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat...

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:  Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

'n Boemelaar loop in die jewelry stoor in. Trek sy broek af en steek sy vinger in sy gat. Die vrou agter die toonbank skree vir hom en se hy moet voetsek. Toe wys hy na 'n sign op die deur wat se "come in, pick your ring and recieve a free gift"
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Die 20c-munt en R20-noot raak aan die gesels. 20c: "Yes Maaitjie, wat het van jou geword? Ek het jou lanklaas gesien!".
"Nee wat," antwoord R20, "ek was maar so hier en so daar. Was bietjie casino toe; het 'n trippie Mosambiek toe onderneem; was by 'n paar rugby-wedstryde; was laasweek by die skou in Windhoek ; more sal ek waarskynlik Mall toe gaan. Jy weet, daai soort goed. Maar hoe's dinge met jou? Wat maak jy alles?"
20c: "Aag Boeta, jy weet mos. Altyd dieselfde – net kerk, kerk, kerk!"
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Maraai is in die hof.
Die Judge vra haar wat is haar klagte. Sy se`: Johouner, djy sien, die anner dag ek loop hom ini pad toe kom Gatiep en Rudolf gelop va voraf. Johouner djy sien, toe hulle by my veby kom toe vat gatiep aan my poes.
Die judge skrik hom fucked up en sê`: jy kan mos nie so in my hof praat nie. In die eerste plek is dit nie Gatiep nie, dis meneer van Rensburg. En in die tweede plek is dit nie Rudolf nie maar meneer Beukes. En dan kan jy ook nie die p woord in my hof gebruik nie, jy moet sê "vagina". So begin jou storie van die begin af weer.
Maraai begin weer: Johouner djy sien, die aner dag ek lop hom ini pad. Toe kom meneer van Rensburg en meneer Beukes van voor af. Johouner djy sien, toe hulle by my kom toe vat meneer van Rensburg aan my......
.....Johouner, wat is my poes se van nou weer?
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Koos en sy hond klim op 'n trein. Hulle gaan sit langs 'n deftige jong dame. Die hond het later verveeld geraak en begin krap dat dit 'n naarheid is. Later se die vrou: "Haai vat weg jou hond hie ek voel al hoe dans die vlooie op my." Koos: "Haai, Boesman kom lê hier daai antie het vlooie."
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'n Blinde hasie en 'n blinde vark probeer vasstel wat hulle is. Die vark voel oor die hasie se sagte vel en lang ore - jy is 'n hasie! Die hasie beskryf die vark terwyl hy oor hom streel: Jy stink, het harde hare en ñ plat neus! O fok skreeu die vark, ek's 'n kaffer!