Ingelse Grapgat... so net voor die lang naweek.
Oops, amper vergeet ek, julle mense daar in Namibie het nie 'n langnaweek nie.... jammer om van julle kak te hoor.
Ok, meeste van die jokes is engels, maar dis nog steed goed.

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A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife, "Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."

The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?" The man says, "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"

The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"

She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"

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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.

The waiter came and took their drinks order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table
and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"
But why have you only ordered water all evening?"

The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

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There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

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When Chuck Norris was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Chuck Norris spared your life.

What color is Chuck Norris's blood? Trick question. Chuck Norris does not bleed

Chuck Norris once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Chuck Norris. Sounds like a fair fight.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

You can lead a horse to water. Chuck Norris can make him drink.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

Simon Says should be renamed to Chuck Norris Says because if Chuck Norris says something then you better do it.

Killing Chuck Norris doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

When Google can't find something, it asks Chuck Norris for help.

In 96 hours, Chuck Norris has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?

There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Chuck Norris way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.

When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.

Chuck Norris once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword."

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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An Italian, a Frenchman and an Indian was drinking at a bar discussing
what they had done the previous evening.

The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with
the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream
non stop for five minutes."

The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body
with a special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her
scream for fifteen minutes straight."

The Indian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over
her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the
butter, then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."

The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal!
How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"
Indian : "I wiped my hands on the curtains."

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A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.

"Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back to her place for a drink. They go back to her HOUSE, and after a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins undressing him.

The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night. The next morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed.

"You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies... "You just happened to catch my eye."

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An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen. There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!".

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An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.

The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.

The man said, "Yes, it is a bit difficult at times. By the way, where is your restroom?

The bartender quickly replied, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."
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When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated.
A couple of months later, Myrtle also died. Once in heaven, Myrtle , Anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him. She run towards him, calling his name: "Joe. darling.. "

Joe said: "Hold your horses woman, and don't "darling" me. The deal was very clear!! "Until death do us part!"