NAWEEK!!!!
...en dis hoogtyd ook. Ek het dringend hierdie een nodig. Hierdie elke aand se gesuipery, en dan weer vroeg opstaan in die oggend, is besig om my in te haal. Ek weet ek het die site bietjie afgeskeep die week, maar daar is darem 'n klomp nuwe foto's gelaai. Die verjaarsdag foto's sal Maandag opgesit word. O ja, en voor ek vergeet, julle dames kan maar gerus die voorbeeld volg van hierdie girls. Niiice!!!!


Die week in ons inbox:

Hier die lyk mos nou na 'n lekker party... foto's sal Maandag gelaai word.


Ja, Hollands is maar 'n vreemde taal...


Een... nee wag... drie goeie redes om in krieket belang te stel.

Dis waar jou belasting geld heen gaan!!!


Ingelse grappe:

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of South Pacific, the following people are stranded:
Two Italian men and one Italian woman.
Two French men and one French woman.
Two German men and one German woman.
Two Greek men and one Greek woman.
Two British men and one British woman.
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman.
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman.
Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman.
Two Irish men and one Irish woman.
Two American men and one American woman.

One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is cooking and cleaning for them.
The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the British woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
The two Japanese are awaiting instructions from Tokyo..
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant, and laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply more employees for their stores.
The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few pints of coconut whisky. However, they're satisfied because the British aren't having any fun.

The two American men are contemplating suicide because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere
so she can get her nails done and go shopping.
----

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue. "Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes." The little girl screams, "Don't eat it.... it's a fucking asshole!!"
----
A Nigerian family was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of her daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that the face touched the glass lid! When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top, which read as follows:

"Dear brothers and sisters, I am sending our mother's body to you for burial, since it has always been her wish to be buried in the compound of our ancestral home in Nigeria. Sorry I could not come along as I have been denied leave at work since we are short staffed this month. You will find inside the coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of canned fish,10 packets of Royco soup and 8 tins of hot chocolate.

Please divide these among yourselves. On Mama's feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes size 9 for Sunday's eldest son. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Emily's and Patience's daughters. Hope the sizes are correct. Mama is wearing 6 American t-shirts. The large size is For Josiah and the others are for my nephews. The 2 new Levis jeans that Mama is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Rhema wanted for her 21st birthday is on Mama's left wrist. Aunt Shamma, Mama is wearing the necklace, earrings and the ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white cotton socks that Mama is wearing must be divided among my teenage nephews.

Please distribute all these accordingly and if anything more is required, let me know since our Pappa is also not doing well nowadays.

Your loving sister.


PS: Don't you think I look good in my new bikini?

Dinsdag... en die week is klaar te lank



The zoo gets a new female gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was on heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Sipho, a
big African lad, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. So, the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Sipho was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for R500?
Sipho showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Sipho announced that he would accept their offer, only under three conditions:
"First," he said, "I actually don't want to kuss er."
"Sicondly, you must niver tull anyone about thus."
The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
"Wull," said Sipho, "You gotta detuct the R500 from my wages in 3 payments."



Koos: "Goeie Dag Meneer, dis Koos wat praat"
Percy: " I'm sorry Sir, I can't speak Afrikaans"
Koos: "Ag, no problem mate, I are looking for bands for my kar."
Percy: "Excuse me?"
Koos: "You know!! Bands... what the kar runs on!"
Percy: "I don't have a clue what you are talking about."
Koos: (skree in die agtergrond in )"Ag fok Frik, wat is die donnerse Engelse woord vir tyres nou weer?"



'n Blond en 'n Rooikop ry Witbank toe. By die steenkoolmyne vra die Blond, "Wat stink so?"
Rooikop sê: "Myne"
"Dankie tog," se die Blond, "ek het amper gedink dis myne"

....nuwe muis, spesiaal vir mans



A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Ek is nie seker wat hier aangaan nie, maar sy het fokken baie potensiaal!!!

... enige comments?

Hangovers


Om hangovers te fight is actually heelwat makliker as wat mens sou dink. Daar's gewoonlik een goue reël wat feitlik altyd effektief is.

Moenie drink nie.

Die probleme ontstaan as mens die reel 'n vet ignore kap. Dus, as jy per abuis reël een oortree, verwys dadelik na reël twee.

Moenie te veel drink nie.

Een word twee, al die ure word happy, lelik word mooi, en twee word een (partykeer sommer op die agterseat). Steeds is als nie verlore nie. In tye van transgressie, verwys spoedig na reel drie.

Moenie jou drankies meng nie.

Check alle drankies gaan eventually na dieselfde plek toe, maar net soos in 'n bar meen dit nie altyd almal smaak mekaar nie. Inteendeel, jy sal vind dis presies hierdie tipe kak wat gaan maak dat jy suffer die next day.

Sit neer daai shooter!!!.

Teen die tyd dat jy reel drie oortree het is jy klaar fucked. Sonder om eers jou broek af te trek. Dan ewe skielik is dit twee-uur, jy vreet 'n pie by die Select Store oppad huis toe en worry oor die evil hangovertjie wat onder jou bed vir jou wag.

Slaap soveel as wat jy kan .

Fokken wil mos. Lekker reels breek. Lekker breker. Wie's nou smart? Ouens wat hier uitkom het obviously nie geluister nie en sit nou met die full-blown hangover. Nou moet jy maar slaap pel, en baie ook. Nog bietjie. Daa'sy.

Trek hom bersie oor hom koppie.

Suip baie water. Party dudes doen dit sommer die aand wat hulle van die jol af kom, maar dis bietjie moeilik as jy ingedra word en wakker word met kots op jou hemp. Kry vir jou 'n lekker laaang beker water en drink daarvan soveel en so vinnig as wat jy kan . Kom, jy't mos gewys jy kan baie drink. Jy's mos die fokken nek van die plek. Sluk! Sommer vier Grandpa's ook.

Eet iets.

Op die stadium is jou lyf hoogs die bliksem in vir jou. Jy het nie mooi gemaak met jou lyf nie. Uh-uh. Nou moet daar mooi broodjies gebak word, en een ding wat jou lyf verstaan is eetbare bederfies. As jy rerig wil brownie punte score, skiet vir iets gesonds - soos 'n burger met alles op. As jou lyf kon het hy/sy jou op die rug geklop.

Party ouens reken mens moet 'n rou eier eet. Al waarvoor dit werk is om jou te laat opgooi, en as jy gelukkig is nog salmonella ook te kry. Fokken smart, nou't jy salmonella en 'n hang-over.

Vat 'n shower of 'n bad.

Nou hierdie reel help beide vir jou asook die mense geaffekteer deur second-hand hangover d.w.s. die arme swape wat jou asem en stink holtes ruik na die aand uit. Voel bietjie daai wol oor jou tanne? Hoe dink jy ruik dit vir ander? Presies. Hou op 'n aap wees... vat 'n stort en borsel jou bek.

Trek iets gemaklik aan.

Official hangover wear is pejaamies of sommer 'n ou sweetpak met slippers en 'n t-shirt. Jy wil nie deal met goed wat jou chafe of knoppe platdruk nie. Sag en lelik is die wagwoorde hier... amper soos daai draak wat jy nou die aand wou mooi drink.

Vat dit rustig.

Drop die blinds, kry 'n bottel Coke, bietjie Nando's en 'n DVD of twee. Skuif nou voor die TV in met die remote en relax. Werk se moer!!!



As jy dan beter voel, log in op Stokstyf, vind uit waar die party is en kom drink 'n dop saam met die Stokstyf Crew.

Sincere Apologies To Everyone

Over the past few weeks I have forwarded funny pictures and jokes to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humour. Unfortunately this wasnt the case and I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow. If you were one of these people, please accept my humblest apologies.

From now on I will only send emails with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting structures.

Included is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris.
P.S. For those of you who are interested, Pont Neuf is the oldest bridge in Paris and took 26 years to build. Construction began in 1578 and ended in 1604. "Le Pont Neuf" is actually made of 2 independent bridges, one with seven arches and the other with five arches.

Dis nou siek!!!!

"THE WHAT... On 22 February 2007, Phillip Matthysen, a South African man reportedly killed his Husky puppy after it instinctively bit out at his parrot and killed it (News24.com, 19 June 2007). It was reported that along with an accomplice, he allegedly proceeded to hold the dog down and cut its head off with a chainsaw. Due to a lack of comprehensive animal rights and protection in South Africa's legal system, people committing these hideous acts stand to walk free with little or no consequences - this site exists to help gather support to stop this from happening! THE HOW... I have spoken to Mr. G Schultz, the prosecutor on this case, and arranged to meet him on July 23rd. I plan to give him a minimum of 25 000 of our signatures. There is no guarantee that this action will have the desired effect however our hope is that at worst, the magistrate will know there are more people watching this case than just those sitting in the court room."

*** Kliek hier en voeg jou stem by die van duisende wat hierdie ou se gat wil laat ooprek in die tronk ***

So by the way, hy is sommer ons "Doos van die week" ook!!!

Die 1ste foto's van Paris in die tronk!!!



... dis net gerugte, maar ons dink sy beplan om te ontsnap.

Dinsdag se dinge...

Die 2 seuntjies sit met hulle totties in die water. 'n Oom kom verby gestap en vra, "Wat maak julle?" Hulle sê vir die oom, "Ons vang dose!" Die oom (baie nuuskierig) vra, "Kan ek ook probeer?" Hulle sê, "Ja Oom jy moet jou broek aftrek en ook jou tottie in die water sit soos ons.
Na so 'n uur vra die oom, "Hoeveel dose het julle al gevang?"
Die 2 seuntjies sê, "Oom, jy is die 5de een vandag!!!
----

Waar is die dae toe drank,drank was,doos,doos was, 'n baas nog baas en 'n koning nog koning?
Nou is doos koning,drank is baas en die baas is 'n doos.
----

So van doos gepraat... hoekom is jy een?
Die foto bydraes word al hoe minder. Kom nou man werk saam laat ons bietjie nice goed van julle kant af kry. Toe move jou gat, gaan neem sommer foto's van jou girlfriend en stuur dit vir ons.

Hier is die 1ste foto van die STOKSTYF FAN CLUB...


Meraai kry 4 gaste vir ete, 'n rasta, 'n hond, 'n moffie en 'n anoreksie lyer .
Wat bedien sy?
Zol, Epol, Poephol en Fokol!
----

Oom & tannie besluit hulle gaan liefde maak!
Tannie: Bietjie op,nee links, nee regs, nee agtertoe.
Oom : Nee my fok, wil jy spyker of parkeer?



Meraai sit wydsbeen op die sypaadjie in die son
Polisieman vra haar -"Wat maak jy"
Meraai - "Ek het nou net my huur betaal,nou lat ek net die kwitansie droog word"
----

Mans is soos rooi wyn. Hoe ouer,hoe beter.
Vroue is soos melk, eers word hulle suur en dan dik !!!!
----

Juffrou buk voor Jannie en hy sien iets, sy vra, wat het jy gesien?
Jannie; "Moet die hel wees juffrou,want die Duiwel is hier in my broek los"
----

Koos sê dat sy meisie 'n seeskulp op haar binnebeen laat tatoeeer het.
Dit is glo so goed gedoen,as jy jou oor teen die skulp hou, kan jy die see ruik!!!
----

Daai is 'n klomp nuwe foto's gelaai.

Wat dink julle van hierdie poppie?
Plaas comments asb.

Vrydag is hier!!
Gaan check ook sommer, daar is baie foto's galaai van hot girls.


Blykbaar 'n ware storie
A lady died this past October, and Absa billed her for November and December for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been R0.00, now is somewhere around R500.00. A family member placed a call to Absa:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in October."
Absa: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Absa: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been.
Family Member: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Absa: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Absa: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Absa: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in October."
Absa: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Absa: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
Absa: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Absa: "Our system just isn't set-up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Absa: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Absa: "That might help."
Family Member: "Avalon Cemetery, Chiawelo, Plot Number B9075769."
Absa: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: What do you do with dead people on your planet?!"





Check hierdie stel mags!

Woensdag se goed

Pool bly maar 'n befokte game !!!!



Toe ek hierdie resep ontdek, het ek gedink dit is perfek vir mense soos ek wat sukkel om te weet of hoender gaar is of besig is om uit te droog.

Probeer gerus.
GEBAKTE GESTOPTE HOENDER
2,7 tot 3,5 kg hoender
½ koppie gesmelte botter
1 koppie stopsel
1 koppie ongekookte popcorn
sout en peper na smaak
Voorverhit oond tot 180°C. Smeer hoender goed met gesmelte botter, sout en peper. Vul hoender met stopsel en popcorn. Plaas in oondpan met nek na voorkant van oond.
Luister vir pop - geluide ...
Wanneer die hoender se gat ontplof, die oonddeur oopskiet en die hoender deur die lug vlieg, kan jy weet die hoender is gaar!

---

Sekretaresse aan baas: " Sal meneer omgee om as meneer in die oggend inkom, my net so 'n soentjie of 2 agter die oor te gee?"
Baas : (half stomgeslaan) " Nou waarom sal ek dit doen? "
Sekretaresse: " Ag meneer, ek hou van so bietjie "foreplay" voor ek rondgefok word"

JAKE WHITE’S LETTER OF RESIGNATION AS THE BOKS BOARD THE PLANE FOR FRANCE

Dear Regan

It is with much regret that I must accept your offers of 12, 16, 17, 25 and 30 April, 1 – 6, 10, 15 -20 and 31 May, everyday in June, and all of July except for the 16th (when you were attending a Youth Day Rally with the Watsons), to resign. I really did try to stick it out, but these are the reasons why I have no alternative but to finally accept:

In May I selected a squad of 45. You added Luke Watson. I could live with that. After the England Test we won 58-10, I trimmed the side down to 30. You added 8 more. Because these 8 were at least part of the original squad (and thanks for agreeing on the Chris Jones issue – yes he did throw the season’s best pass to Bryan Habana, but he DEFINITELY was playing for England) I could even live with that. But things from then to now have just gotten out of hand. “Trimming” a squad, sir, means that the numbers go DOWN ….. not UP!!!!

I mean, passing slips of paper around Parliament for members to write down any names of players they want to go to the World Cup is just ridiculous. Out of the list you sent me via the Sports Minister’s brother, 12 of those players retired more than 5 years ago, 3 play cricket, one is a woman, 2 are Samoans, and one died in 1981. Also, Trevor Manuel may play for the Parliamentary team, but I REALLY don’t need to check if he played “the odd” Super 12 game, as you suggested …. trust me! Of the other 112, the members for Witbank, Dullstroom and Machadodorp submitted the entire Pumas squad. Their argument that they had just beaten Ireland was unfounded, and yet when I tried to point out to you, and them, that they were mixing up the Argentinian Pumas with our most pathetic Currie Cup side of all time, I was branded a “dinosaur of old South Africa provincialism”.

This is not just a go at ANC members by the way ….. I also thought that the DA’s Dianne Kohler-Barnard’s suggestion of playing Marius Roberts because he has a “nice bum” and played a little bit of centre for Jeppe anyway (it was actually Pirates but never mind) was stupid (but in the spirit of reconciliation, you made me put him in anyway). And the FF+ insisting that Robbie Wessels doing the Leeuloop as a legitimate move with Wynand Olivier against the All Blacks would be our secret weapon ….. well …… do me a favour!!! (At least you scotched that one, although giving the thumbs up to their other suggestion, Errol Tobias was somewhat of a surprise). And what the hell was I supposed to do with 13 of King Goodwill’s sons (IFP submission I assume????)

But I could even live with that! As could I the embarrassment, of a World Cup squad announcement that lasted 2 hours on Supersport the other night. It was all good and well having to read out 163 names that were on the list already …. But when you invite members of the viewing audience to phone in, quote their ANC membership number and add a player of their choice, well that’s just ridiculous!

Tomorrow I would have boarded the specially chartered 747 (yes, it was nice of British Airways to give our squad our very own Jumbo at short notice) with 278 Springbok players and management, 93% of whom I’ve never even heard of, let alone even met. And to add insult to injury, you slip in Hanyane Shimange as a late inclusion (9 hookers????) because the jumpseat on the plane wasn’t taken?????? Even if we DID need 9 hookers (that argument about the Samoans eating frontrowers was a bit far fetched don’t you think?) don’t you think it would have been decent to at least reinstate John Smit?

The final straw was Butane Khompela’s insistence that Ge Korsten be sent along as part of my back up team, so that he could sing “Liefling” live whenever Derrick kicked a successful goal. (This despite my insistence that Hougaard wasn’t part of my match plans anyway.) When I informed Mr Khompela that Mr Korsten had in fact, passed away some time ago, he suggested that I “call his son Arno from the Springbok Nude Girls” and bring him along instead as, in his words: “I am sure his Dad taught him to sing that song as a young boy anyway”. I tried to tell him, via you, sir, there was no relation between the two whatsoever, and that the singer’s name was actually Carstens, not Korsten. What did you do? You drop Deon Carstens because his “brother” is involved in a transvestite rock band!!!!

So, yes, when I suggested to Mr Khompela that he needn’t remove my passport from up his ass, but could leave it there, that definitely DOES constitute my resignation.

I wish you and the new coach, Cheeky, all the best in France. (Just as well he happened to be at the airport anyway, hey?).

And please tell Mr Khompela that he needn’t have the passport cleaned and sent back …. I’ve applied for a new one, and should get it just in time to be coaching France or England in the 2011 World Cup.

Sincerely

Jake

PS You can stop that forensic investigation into my family tree now. Bob Skinstad is definitely NOT my nephew, or son.

Dinsdag se dinge:
Uiteindelik is daar weer iets nuut op die site. Nou wil jy seker weet "hoekom nou eers" ?
Want ek het moer baie werk en ek het nog nie eers by al die boodskappe wat vir my gelos is uitgekom nie !!!


Grapgat

Twee babas lê en chat in hulle prams
BABA 1: Eks moeg vir purity. Dis purity ini oggend, middag en aand en dan nog purity tussen in!!! EK'S MOEG DAARVOOR!!!
BABA 2: Jy's lucky. Het jy al 'n tiet gedeel met 'n ou wat Lexington rook???

-----
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: "Sure,. go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:
"Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
----

Ek sê mos sokker is 'n moffie sport...


...visvang is baie beter!!!



Site Updates
As jy daar by die partyfoto's ingaan, refresh net die bladsy, anders gaan jy nie die nuwe albums sien nie. Daar is ook weer so paar nuwe foto's van hot babes gelaai.

So van babes gepraat... wat dink julle van hierdie girl?

So op 'n Donderdag...

Gisteraand het ons vir'n slag weer lekker gekuier. Die crowd was bietjie aan die klein kant, maar nogtans is daar redelik hard en ernstig gedrink. Ons het kans gekry om ons nuwe kamera uit te toets. Hy neem moerse kwaai foto's. Kyk heel onder aan hierdie blad en bestel sommer vir jou ook so een. Ek sal die foto's van gisteraand more laai.

Check hier sign agter op die kak-lorrie


---
Hoe weet jy 'n man het erg suikersiekte? As hy draadtrek en hy skiet spookasem.
---
Wat is die toppunt van rassisme? As die tuinjong weier om die Afrikanertjies nat te gooi.
---


Seun en pa sit in bad.
Seun: Wat is daai?
Pa: Dis husse.
Seun kom in die kombuis vra: Ma wat eet ons?
Ma: Husse.
Seun: Sorry ek eet dit nie, dit groei te naby pa se poepol.


Kyk nou net so... lekker sies!!!!
Kliek op die prente om dit full-size te sien


One day three small people decided they wanted to be in the record books the fist one says "I have pretty short arms", so he goes and succeeds. The second one says "I have pretty short legs," so he goes and succeeds. The third one says "I have a very small penis," and when he comes back he says "Who the hell is Leonardo DiCaprio?"

Hol afvee se moer... ek kak nat strepe in die pad af .

Kan jy die kak glo?
Sy is die Ukrainian Pole Vaulting champion, en sy is 18 jaar oud.
Volgens haar soek sy "a guy who will just love me for who I am"
Wat de fok gaan met die Ukranian dudes aan!?
Is hulle almal moffies of wat?


Miertjie stap eendag na die rivier...maar Miertjie is die moer in. "Krokidil!, Krokidil!" skree hy in sy woede. Krokodil wonder toe wat aan gaan en hy steek sy kop bo die water. Mierjtie skree weer.."Krokidil! klim uit die blerrie water uit!" Krokidil kyk toe die storie so en wonder wat vandag met miertjie aan gaan en miertjie skree weer, maar die keer met volle bors, "Krokidil klim uit die donnerse water uit!" Krokidil klim toe maar heel skrikkerig uit die water uit, want miertjie is heeltemal befok vandag. Miertjie loop toe al langs die rivier totdat hy by Seekoei kom en hy skree,"Seekoei! Seekoei Vetgat! Klim uit die bliksemse water uit!" Maar nou is miertjie eers bedonnerd en die bloed pomp na sy brein. Na 'n rukkie skree miertjie weer, "Seekoei klim uit die fokken water uit!" Seekoei bekyk die storie so en wonder wat fout is met miertjie vandag, Maar tog klim Seekoei bangerig uit die water uit. In tussen tyd vlieg valk verby en sien dat miertjie nie in 'n goeie bui is nie en hy vra "maar miertjie wat is fout?"
En Miertjie skree "IEMAND HET MY FOKKEN SWEM-BROEK GESTEEL!"
----

So van riviere gepraat... smaak my jy is nou amper veiliger in die see.


As jy gedink het ESKOM is kak, wag tot jy die brief sien wat jy hierdie maand saam met jou elektrisiteit rekening gaan kry. Gelukkig kon ons die brief onderskep om ons lesers vroegtydig te waarsku.


Dear Electricity Customer,

Just a little note to let you know we understand your anger in the recent price hike & power cuts.
But it should be noted that you have no choice.
We are a big company and you will pay what we tell you.
You have no choice.
We have the power, you need the power.
So sad, too bad. Sucks to be you.

We have enclosed a little picture to help outline our response.
Have a nice day and keep those cheques coming, you loser!

Regards
ESKOM




Haai shame daai hondjie is so lus vir 'n ou stukkie vleis, ek stuur hom sommer 'n steak in die pos.


Juffrou: Hoeveel pote het 'n hond?
Gatiep: Juffrou, 'n hond het vier pote !
Juffrou: Kan iemand vir my sê hoeveel ore het 'n hond?
Gatiep: Juffrou, twee !
Juffrou: Klas kan iemand my sê hoeveel sterte 'n hond het?
Gatiep: Jirre Juffrou, weet jy nie hoe lyk 'n fokken hond nie???
------
Kleinseun aan oupa op plaas: Wat doen daai bul oupa?
Oupa: Hy probeer oor die koei spring.
Kleinseun: Fokkit oupa as sy tril nie vasgehaak het nie, was hy oor!
------

Dit moet die KAKSTE KOSTUUM OOIT wees !!!


Petrol is nou so duur tot die Batmobile is kleiner gemaak.



Hoe weet jy 'n man het erg suikersiekte? As hy draadtrek en hy skiet spookasem.
---
Wat is die toppunt van rassisme? As die tuinjong weier om die Afrikanertjies nat te gooi.
---
Juffrou gee wiskunde en is heel in haar noppies met hoe makilik die kinders die werk verstaan.
Dis net ou Gertjie daar agter in die hoek wat so bietjie frons.
Juffrou: Gertjie, verstaan jy die werk wat ons vandag behandel het?
Gertjie: Sjoe Juffrou, net so kol - kol.
Juffrou: Watter kol verstaan jy nie Gertjie ?
Gertjie: FO- KOL
---

FHMSA se Sexiest Woman of the year 2007 : Tanya van Graan
Pragtig !!!!

Brief aan Oprah

Dear Oprah

Hosh Oprah, Gatiep hieso and I am a South African American 26 Sonop hoe sal jy kan wys raak. Met respect en disipliene. For long I am your biggest fan since long long back and I like what you did to your hair girl. Jy lyk mos befok! I watch every program and raak kwaad if I miss one. Jy sallie vestaannie.

Oprah My problem is that I come from a disadvantage beckgroun. Where I did grow up we did not have befokte goede. The name of the place where I is from is Hanover Park because everytime when you walk in the street the people tell you han over your watch or han over your tekkies or han over your shell phone.
And had to go to school kaal voete. Now I got skewe voete from the cold werra.

I am writing this letter because I see you give people their dreams and I have a dream too. My dream is too drive in a fast car and to become a pit crew boyjie like dat ouens from Michael Skoenmaker. Dey mos kwaai jong. I ken ouense here in Cape Town who you can organishe wif. They will tink I wanna rob them if I ask. Their names is Nathier Price en Jeremy Michaels en Alistair Mctavish en Rudi. Ek ken nie Rudi se van nie.

I don't have their phone numbers because they did steal da phonebook byrra tikkie box again. Maak reelings girl. Moetie laat ek America toe vlieg en jou binne in jou ma se wietie wattie slaat tie.

Moetie swaak raak nie girl.

Aweh my ma se kind!